feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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