Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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