I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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