I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
