I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
