I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
