My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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