covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize