We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
