im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
