First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
