Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will be naked everywhere
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
