There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
