i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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