The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
