hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
