please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
