I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
