You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
