Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
