I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
