I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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