We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
