I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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