I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
