I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize