Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize