it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So squirting runs in the family.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
