Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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