He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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