Need sex. Gaining weight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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