found the other keg... it's in the tree
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
