We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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