friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
