Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
