He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm like, not good at living.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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