Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I could fuck to npr.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
