i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
