Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
