She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize