are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
