ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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