How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
