he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My dick has a subreddit
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
