Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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