Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
