talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
