he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
