just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize