I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
