I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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