We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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