I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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