did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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