I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize