quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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