Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
