He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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