its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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