I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
