what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
