You're completely useless in the revolution.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm passing your future prison.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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