the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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