then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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