is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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