And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
