I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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