Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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