The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
