bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
