I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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