I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize