Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
