Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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