We won't sleep together?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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