I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize