i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
