Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
