her vagine was all disorganized.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
