it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
