just tell him i said nine months
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
