Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im drinking this country out of the recession.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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