Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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