I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
nutella sex= disaster
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
