ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
