You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
