half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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