you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
