I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize