who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
