Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
