Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
