I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
