She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Let's get the cat blown out
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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