Sry I called you an 8
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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