so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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