So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
