i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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